I just signed up and getting the lay of the land here, so a bit late to your question. Instead of answering, I'll view it as a prompt, because it's been on my mind and I won't know until I start writing what and how . . . but YES. Your humor and candor always make me smile, and think.
But don't you see, her light has not gone out. It lives on in you - yup, that wonderful, flawed, hopelessly funny, totally serious, deep thinking, you. And she will live on in your son through you, even after you are gone. Don't you sometimes think of how your mom might react to something happening in your life? That's her talking to you, long after person-to-person conversations are no longer possible. I know that I say often, "As my mother would say, ..." and then I quote some old Southern saying that has no meaning out of context. But it is her, living on in me. And your mom is there in her friends, who have also passed on her spirit to the people they encounter. For heaven's sake, I pass on things about your mother, and I never met her. But she has been a great comfort to my cousin, whose 70-year-old sister was just diagnosed with Alzheimer's. That nightgown might be frayed, but your mother's spirit is not.
How absolutely eloquent. XOXO Mom had a propensity to spill her lunch on her clothes, not just as an old person, but always. So now when I do it, I always say Mom is with us.
I remember your dad and mom from high school. So happy you still have him. My dad passed in 2024 at 100 years old. They are a wealth of knowledge…enjoy him. So love to read your posts.
Love your heartfelt and so relatable post. Turning 76 in 2 weeks I think about death more and more. I'm a realist - and am thankful for what I've got and what I've had. I find myself saying :I jsut got to get through the next 15 years.....and then I think about the last 15 years (my twin granddaughters just turned 14)!! And can't decide if it's a long time or a short time!
Thanks Amy. May you find peace in your heart this month.
Amy, I think about death more since my husband and parents died. I think more about it as I age. After Dave died I lost track of the calendar. I missed seasons. Now it is those seasons that sometimes catch me by surprise with grief. November is difficult because that is when Dave's cancer was diagnosed. Even if I don't consciously think about it my mood reminds me. Grieving your mom while facing Randy's health challenges and those of your dad has to be exhausting. ❤️
I think you are right that our subconscious knows the calendar and gives us reminders. The challenge is to find the happy reminders. Some people believe that seeing a cardinal or a butterfly is a sign from their loved one. Maybe its just a happy memory from the subconscious to offset the grief. Thanks for commenting.
Our life stories have more than a couple similarities. My mother was dying in February, too. Hence, it's now a loaded month. That was 18 years ago. (My latest essay is about a February Intruder that marked the beginning of her illness.)
My mother also didn't quite make it to 80. She was a teacher, too, and my parents lived in tin quanset student housing. Student housing back then - yikes! They made due, though, and didn't seem to mind all that much.
I loved reading about your mom and dad. And how sweet your dad wished he lived closer so he could come over and help. Cherish every day you get to have with him. My dad died almost 10 years ago, and gosh, I miss him.
I love the photos you shared. So 50s-ish! Thinking about you as you miss your mom. Oh, and my mother wore the Sears flannel nightgowns, too. I didn't think to keep any though. That's a wonderful idea to wear them.
Thank you for writing about gratitude and grief. They definitely co-exist. xx
The common experiences are pretty amazing, Nancy! Being a teacher's kid is a pretty good thing, though I didn't think so as a child especially when my mom substituted in my classroom.
By the way, at Ball State in the 1970s there was still one quonset hut left, the College of Business. They built a new big building shortly after that, but I did have a class in that awful space.
I have used our family pictures, 600 ektachrome slides we converted to jpegs, for much of my writing and people like them as they are pretty relatable I think. An ordinary family with its own quirks.
The older I get the more I think about it. I lost my father when I was four and my mother when I was almost 32. It isn’t easy at any age. And the anticipation of it is hard, particularly when you’re watching someone you love struggle with abilities that previously came easily. Growing old is a privilege, but aging brings challenges that I didn’t think about when I was younger.
Oh, Susan, to lose both of your parents while young, especially your dad. My dad lost his dad when he was four, also, and his faith tradition believes he will see him again, and he talks about it ALL the time. He has very few memories of his father. Dad was the youngest and all his siblings are gone, so there's no one alive who has a memory of him. You are right --growing old is a privilege not given to everyone but it does come with challenges. when we are younger we can't see it. Thanks for commenting.
I describe my grief as a roller coaster of emotions. I believe that ride won’t end until I finally swoop down my last terrifying hill into a peace beyond my mortal understanding.
I just signed up and getting the lay of the land here, so a bit late to your question. Instead of answering, I'll view it as a prompt, because it's been on my mind and I won't know until I start writing what and how . . . but YES. Your humor and candor always make me smile, and think.
But don't you see, her light has not gone out. It lives on in you - yup, that wonderful, flawed, hopelessly funny, totally serious, deep thinking, you. And she will live on in your son through you, even after you are gone. Don't you sometimes think of how your mom might react to something happening in your life? That's her talking to you, long after person-to-person conversations are no longer possible. I know that I say often, "As my mother would say, ..." and then I quote some old Southern saying that has no meaning out of context. But it is her, living on in me. And your mom is there in her friends, who have also passed on her spirit to the people they encounter. For heaven's sake, I pass on things about your mother, and I never met her. But she has been a great comfort to my cousin, whose 70-year-old sister was just diagnosed with Alzheimer's. That nightgown might be frayed, but your mother's spirit is not.
How absolutely eloquent. XOXO Mom had a propensity to spill her lunch on her clothes, not just as an old person, but always. So now when I do it, I always say Mom is with us.
I remember your dad and mom from high school. So happy you still have him. My dad passed in 2024 at 100 years old. They are a wealth of knowledge…enjoy him. So love to read your posts.
Wow, amazing that your father lived to the century mark. Thanks for commenting.
Grief does not go quietly, no matter the starting point. It lurks, and bursts forward in fits and starts when you expect it and when you don’t.
So true. And I don't think it ever goes away.
Love your heartfelt and so relatable post. Turning 76 in 2 weeks I think about death more and more. I'm a realist - and am thankful for what I've got and what I've had. I find myself saying :I jsut got to get through the next 15 years.....and then I think about the last 15 years (my twin granddaughters just turned 14)!! And can't decide if it's a long time or a short time!
Thanks Amy. May you find peace in your heart this month.
I so appreciate your comments, Marlene, and how fun to watch those granddaughters grow up! And happy birthday to you!
Amy, I think about death more since my husband and parents died. I think more about it as I age. After Dave died I lost track of the calendar. I missed seasons. Now it is those seasons that sometimes catch me by surprise with grief. November is difficult because that is when Dave's cancer was diagnosed. Even if I don't consciously think about it my mood reminds me. Grieving your mom while facing Randy's health challenges and those of your dad has to be exhausting. ❤️
I think you are right that our subconscious knows the calendar and gives us reminders. The challenge is to find the happy reminders. Some people believe that seeing a cardinal or a butterfly is a sign from their loved one. Maybe its just a happy memory from the subconscious to offset the grief. Thanks for commenting.
Hi Amy,
Our life stories have more than a couple similarities. My mother was dying in February, too. Hence, it's now a loaded month. That was 18 years ago. (My latest essay is about a February Intruder that marked the beginning of her illness.)
My mother also didn't quite make it to 80. She was a teacher, too, and my parents lived in tin quanset student housing. Student housing back then - yikes! They made due, though, and didn't seem to mind all that much.
I loved reading about your mom and dad. And how sweet your dad wished he lived closer so he could come over and help. Cherish every day you get to have with him. My dad died almost 10 years ago, and gosh, I miss him.
I love the photos you shared. So 50s-ish! Thinking about you as you miss your mom. Oh, and my mother wore the Sears flannel nightgowns, too. I didn't think to keep any though. That's a wonderful idea to wear them.
Thank you for writing about gratitude and grief. They definitely co-exist. xx
The common experiences are pretty amazing, Nancy! Being a teacher's kid is a pretty good thing, though I didn't think so as a child especially when my mom substituted in my classroom.
By the way, at Ball State in the 1970s there was still one quonset hut left, the College of Business. They built a new big building shortly after that, but I did have a class in that awful space.
I have used our family pictures, 600 ektachrome slides we converted to jpegs, for much of my writing and people like them as they are pretty relatable I think. An ordinary family with its own quirks.
The older I get the more I think about it. I lost my father when I was four and my mother when I was almost 32. It isn’t easy at any age. And the anticipation of it is hard, particularly when you’re watching someone you love struggle with abilities that previously came easily. Growing old is a privilege, but aging brings challenges that I didn’t think about when I was younger.
Oh, Susan, to lose both of your parents while young, especially your dad. My dad lost his dad when he was four, also, and his faith tradition believes he will see him again, and he talks about it ALL the time. He has very few memories of his father. Dad was the youngest and all his siblings are gone, so there's no one alive who has a memory of him. You are right --growing old is a privilege not given to everyone but it does come with challenges. when we are younger we can't see it. Thanks for commenting.
I describe my grief as a roller coaster of emotions. I believe that ride won’t end until I finally swoop down my last terrifying hill into a peace beyond my mortal understanding.
I think you are right. I sure miss Bob, also. I think Andy misses him every day. Bob was SOMETHING.
Amy I feel your grief, mom has been gone almost 2 years now and I find myself thinking of her daily with tears Vicky G
I think it's always with us, I hope you also have many happy memories in the mix. Thanks for commenting.